Better, but still a ways to go
I admire your effort to improve on the story, though it was off to a bad start from the get-go in my opinion. The action is once again the focus, however. Though I do think it sometimes gets repetitive, it's a good watch the first time around. Overall, this would be like an "opening act"---good, but not the main show. I'm off to check out part three. Maybe that's the main show?